How should I respond if a friend asks for gifts and treats randomly always and I am not willing to give?
Asking for gifts is rude. I would phrase that more strongly if I thought it would help because I find it appalling, but I'll leave it at rude. When someone asks you for a gift or a treat, a polite response would be “No, I can't buy that for you.” No explanation is necessary.
- I love the gift.
- Thank you for the gift.
- It is truly appreciated.
- Your gift means so much to me.
- Thank you for thinking about me today.
- You are such a thoughtful friend (co-worker, etc).
Explain your feelings in a polite, tactful way. You might say "It makes me comfortable that you give me so many gifts" or "I feel uncomfortable when you give me gifts because it makes the relationship feel lopsided." What if the person was trying to be mean by giving an offensive gift? Then say whatever you want to.
Each person must repay the gift in a roughly equal way; to give too little shows that you undervalue the relationship, but to give too much can cause embarrassment.
For example, you could say that the item wasn't your style or that you already had something similar. If you have a solid and honest relationship, you could be more direct and tell them that you can't see yourself using the item. If you're returning the gift to the store, it's important to have proof of purchase.
If someone does give you something you don't have room for: Don't refuse it! This will only result in hurt feelings and a returns hassle for the giver. Instead, graciously accept the gift, write the "thank you" note, and then make a plan to pass it on to someone who can make good use of the item.
Whether you have limited space in your home or simply don't need any more stuff, it's perfectly acceptable to decline gifts at your next event. But when that gathering is one where guests typically bring a present, like a wedding or a baby shower, you'll want to give everyone a heads-up about your no-gifts preference.
Is it considered rude to decline a gift? Yes, it's generally considered quite rude -- and, an even worse offense in America, quite awkward -- to decline a gift.
Generally, yes, it's rude to refuse a gift. However, there are some circumstances where it's totally ok to refuse. People have mentioned suitors who will not take no for an answer, or if the gift has strings attached, both good points. A general rule of thumb is, does it make you feel icky inside to accept.
“Be the person you want other people to be,” says Wiseheart. That is, treat others the way you want them to treat you, which is reminiscent of the Golden Rule and different from treating people how they treat you.
How do you tell someone they don't treat you right?
- Start with why what you want to say is important. ...
- Briefly describe what happened that felt hurtful or disrespectful. ...
- Say how their behavior made you feel—the impact. ...
- Ask for what you need going forward. ...
- End by reinforcing why you are making this request.
- If they apologize for something minor like bumping into you: “No worries,” or “It's not a big deal.”
- If you aren't actually upset: “It's OK; it's not a huge problem. ...
- If you have forgiven them: “Thank you, I needed to hear that.
The 5 Gift Rule offers a practical and thoughtful approach to Christmas gift-giving. By selecting something they want, need, wear, read, and experience, you ensure that each gift holds significance and brings joy.
The act of giving a gift deepens the bond between you and your friends. It creates a sense of reciprocity and emotional connection, as both the giver and the recipient feel valued and cared for.
When invited to someone's home during the holidays, it is good etiquette to bring a token of appreciation in exchange for the invite. These gifts should not be extravagant or overly personalized. Often a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates, flowers or another holiday-themed gift will suffice.
Even if it's just excessive gift-giving, especially with our children, it can mean someone doesn't try to work and save their own money for what they want. Spoiled children often end up lazy and entitled because of this dynamic. In fact codependency, the extreme of over-giving, can be seen as a form of control.
- donations.
- presents.
- presentations.
- contributions.
- offerings.
- freebies.
- giveaways.
- bonuses.
One thing we can do to slow the piles of presents is to redirect well-meaning family members toward alternative gift ideas. Start the conversation with “I have some fear in telling you this.” Try explaining to family members how the kids don't play with the toys they have and they are overwhelmed by all the stuff.
A major reason we have trouble receiving is that we don't feel worthy. We feel too flawed, undeserving, or unlovable. We might not trust people's intentions or find it hard to believe they care enough about us to give or do something for us unless there is an equal exchange.
Gifts can also stir feelings of indebtedness, causing some to think they owe others for doing something nice. You may feel strings are attached, or there's an expectancy of closeness or intimacy.
When should you not accept a gift?
You should consider declining an otherwise permissible gift if you believe that a reasonable person would question your impartiality or integrity as a result of accepting the gift. Factors to consider: Does the gift have a high market value?
In the long run, we can't stay emotionally healthy without accepting gifts, both concrete and intangible. Refusing to receive leaves us chronically empty, prone to addiction, obsession, codependency, or an eternal psychological hunger that's never quite satisfied.
You have to keep in mind that it's a gift, something they chose to give to you. While you may not like it or feel you won't use it, that doesnt mean you cant be thankful and appreciative of the effort. You're not necessarily ungrateful, if you do appreciate their effort.
If the person confirms they received the gift, you may tell them simply and honestly that you were surprised and disappointed you didn't get a “thank you” for the gift. Explain how it made you feel to not get a thank you and be honest about your feelings.
Just be thoughtful, smile and say it was nice having someone to shop for or make a gift for (if it's handmade). Most people like getting gifts even when they don't like the gifts. So relax, smile and put the cheerful face on, they're bound to take anything you give them as if they've never seen it before.
References
- https://qz.com/825331/the-real-reasons-we-give-gifts
- https://whatiscodependency.com/why-receiving-is-hard/
- https://nourishingminimalism.com/dealing-with-over-abundant-gifting-and-excess-toys/
- https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/generous-person-or-over-giver.htm
- https://www.wikihow.com/React-to-a-Gift-You-Do-Not-Like
- https://www.southernliving.com/culture/etiquette/how-to-say-no-gifts-on-invitation
- https://www.vintageisthenewold.com/game-pedia/is-it-rude-to-refuse-a-gift
- https://food52.com/blog/26879-how-to-deal-with-unwanted-gifts
- https://www.doi.gov/ethics/gifts
- https://www.cnn.com/2022/12/23/health/gift-guilt-holidays-wellness/index.html
- https://www.oprah.com/spirit/martha-beck-why-its-harder-to-receive-than-to-give/all
- https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-it-means-to-teach-people-how-to-treat-you
- https://www.quora.com/What-should-I-say-to-someone-so-they-accept-a-gift
- https://forestnation.com/blog/how-to-choose-a-gift-for-your-friends-even-better-than-santa/
- https://www.investopedia.com/financial-edge/1212/gift-giving-etiquette.aspx
- https://www.quora.com/Is-it-ok-to-refuse-a-gift
- https://www.quora.com/Am-I-ungrateful-for-not-liking-a-present-someone-gave-to-me
- https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/gifts
- https://www.scienceofpeople.com/what-to-say/
- https://www.sayitwithagift.com/blog/post/doyouknowgiftreceivingetiquette/
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wander-woman/202103/5-steps-telling-someone-they-hurt-or-disrespected-you
- https://hoorayheroes.com/what-is-the-5-gift-rule-christmas
- https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-with-Not-Being-Thanked-for-a-Gift
- https://theminimalistvegan.com/unwanted-gifts/